its one of those days

This withdrawal (at least I hope that is what it is and not the new med) from Pristiq is killing me... I have had killer headaches for almost 2 weeks, been flu like for days, and NOW am having horrible anxiety and feeling pretty down :(

I took the day for me today. I hate doing that. I always feel guilty missing work but sometimes, you just need a day... to either wallow or re motivate... today I am hoping to do both. Especially since I am traveling tomorrow to see one of my favorite people...
now if only I could decrease the numbness and increase the excitement.

today to help myself I plan to:
take a hot bath with lavender
meditate
do yoga
do some art
maybe go for a run or do some cardio
relax
and get all done I need for tomorrow so i can have a relaxing evening.

i want to go back to how amazing i felt when i first started weening off the pristiq

I hope that the effects of zoloft are being masked by this nightmare.

My therapist said that she met with a pristq rep the other day and they totally denied the fact that there are side effects/withdrawal effects.

seeing as everything I have read indicates that Effexor has terrible withdrawals how could this drug not.

Well I am sorry for such a downer post... apparently thinking positive and that I deserve good is very hard for me.

have a good Thursday

Snow Day Maybe??

Well here in PA we are supposed to be getting between 8 and 14 inches of snow. I am ready for sun... and to be able to start running outside and what not (running at all really since I am new to the world of running). But 1 more snow day would be such a delight.

especially one where you can play in the snow... there hasn't been enough snow yet to do that... and I love making snowmen and getting exhausted from playing in snow!

Its been an interesting week on the health front
I saw my new psychiatrist (2nd time seeing him) and we changed medications... no more pristiq!!

I am going to be taking Zoloft... (any in site/experiences welcome) I am still transitioning over... but I am hopeful

I am also on a new sleep medication Trazodone. Not sure how well it is working yet, i am still playing with dosage to get it just right, but the thought of getting some sleep again makes me very happy.

and I am heading into that time of the month. Apparently Zoloft is supposed to help with PMDD (which I don't have at least not diagnosed) so we shall see if things go haywire or not!

Thank you to everyone who reads this, who has gone through this, and who is willing to share and help me. I am really trying hard to feel like me again.

I am going to be starting on a gluten free, dairy free, egg free, sugar free diet soon... might even try some raw food eating.

in other news...
2 of my closest friends got engaged last night. It was so much fun riding around the city taking pictures with them. They are such wonderful people and I wish them only happiness and joy for the rest of life...

and I found out some other fabulous news... but for the time being it must remain a secret!

here's to over a foot of snow...
Happy Sunday

minor panic

So i am currently calming down from a minor panic attack...

I really don't know how I feel about these meds I am on.... both the birth control and the anti-depressant.

First of all the anti-depressant doesn't even, well, isn't even approved for anxiety. Which is my main concern and I become depressed cause i am anxious. And the anxiety happens everyday... not panic attacks but I have twice this week almost had or had a panic attack.

And I'm sick of feeling like I can't feel things... or don't feel things... or am scared to feel things. I am not sure how to explain it... but its like anything but anxiety I am so separated from detached or unable to feel. Or its like i know the feeling is way out in the abyss but I am scared to let it back in because for so long I have felt like this. Well for this bout its been about 4 month, and I have actually been seeing someone consistently multiple times a week for not even 2 months. And I have been on meds for about 5 weeks.

This medical system is so frustrating. The first psychiatrist I saw, was not very friendly, or interested in anything but giving me the script the med companies will give him kickbacks for, which is the med I am still on. But my new psychiatrist says that he would never have put me on this med in the first place. And before all that my gynecologist was just putting me on meds to take around my period (as I am concerned about some PMDD or hormonal imbalances) and was not monitoring me, wouldn't call me back when I would call, and then would act as though I was wrong for calling a million times. I start seeing a new one next month thank goodness.

I guess i have been battling this disease or these diseases all my life on and off... being scared of fires to the point of waking up in cold sweats, not eating for weeks on end when a situation upset me, or eating enough to live but feeling constantly sick afterwards, and then my first bout with it taking me out in Boston around 2004, and then this time. Its so annoying how sometimes I can totally control it or it is gone, and sometimes it is all consuming.

thanks for letting me vent and comment.

I just want the little one of august and September back I was so happy, probably the happiest I have ever been in my entire life...

and now we are here.

hmm.. I think i will go read or knit maybe it will take my mind off things.
Now if there were only something worth watching on TV

so.. i might return

its been a long time... years in fact since I have blogged... ok maybe a year.

but i think i might return...
to share what I am going through, no last jam this is me embracing what is going on and trying to move forward.

I am battling panic disorder, depression and generalized anxiety and have decided that I need to journal regarding what I need to do/am doing/ and experiencing.

For example I know I need to
1) eat healthier
2) learn more about meditating
3) practice meditation and relaxation techniques
4) work out more

I still knit and shall have a few FOs to post soon also.

well here's to trying this out again